Triggered Silence
by Carida Lantry
Summary: Kankri is told by his dancestor that he is a trigger and no one cares. So he finally does what everyone wants him to, shut up. But it is at great personal loss as he realizes, without his lecturing, no one notices him. The following time does little but severly damage his psychological state. Can his flush crush save him in time? Rated T because its Homestuck, characters swear.
1. Chapter 1

_I thought they were my friends. I thought they actually liked me. I know I tended to annoy them. I'm not oblivious to my nickname, 'Insufferable.' But they still hung around. They at least pretended to listen. I thought they understood me, like they did Karkat. It took them no time at all to figure out that his anger was a mask. Something he used to cover up his true emotions and his pain. I thought it was because they could tell that was what it was with me. My lectures and speeches, they were a mask. I have to wear it because it's part of who I am. It's all I know. They saw this with Karkat. They _listen _to Karkat. Why can't they do that for me. Why can't they _SEE_? I thought… I thought they were my friends._

6 Flashback 9

I don't really register what I'm saying, just talking because it's all I know how to do. "… and even if y9u d9n't mind it, 9thers find it highly triggerin…"

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOG! DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING?!" My young dancestor explodes. It seems I've triggered him. "TRIGGER THIS! TRIGGER THAT! YOUR VOICE IS A TRIGGER. NO ONE CARES SO JUST **SHUT UP!**" I must admit, I am shocked by his outburst**. **My mouth hangs open wordlessly. I glance at my friends. They too, seem shocked, yet oddly, relieved? Yes, relieved. I can see it in their faces. Someone has finally said what they've always been thinking. For a brief moment, this too, shocks me. Then it just hurts. Without another word, I turn away, retreating to my own, private area of the bubble. My own memories. As I begin walking away, I hear Karkat mutter, for even this is loud with him, "WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WORKED."

6 End 9

I try not to think too hard until I reach the safety of my hive, were no one can see my cry. I barely make it to my pile of sweaters before I break down. Collapsing in their warmth, I let the sobs wrack my small frame. I try not to think. I try to become numb. I can't. I can't stop my mind from whispering to me. All the little things. All of them.

'_**No one cares.'**_ I thought they were my friends. _**'No one listens.'**_ I thought they understood. _**'You're insufferable.' **_Am I really that bad? _**'You're voice is a trigger.' **_I don't want to be a trigger. _**'Then why do you talk so much. Why should you flaunt that triggering voice.' **_I shouldn't.

The realization hits me and I finally achieve my goal. I go numb. I stop feeling, stop caring. I'm still their friend, even if they aren't mine. And in their eyes, I'm a nuisance, a pest, a trigger. I don't want to trigger the people I care about. So I should jut stop. My mind is made up. No more. No more speeches. No more lectures. No more talking unless someone talks to me, or if it's necessary. My friends, the people I care most about in all of existence, will never have to deal with me again. I won't make them hear me any more. I will become what they want me to be. Silent.

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><p>Authors Note: I currently have most of this written and by the time I am ready to post the rest, I will likely be done. Here's how my posting works. I am currently requesting five different reviews from five different people. In case that is worded weird, if five different people submit one review that is not the same as the others, I will post the next section.<p>

Until then,

Carida Lantry^^


	2. Chapter 2

Karkat

I just couldn't take it anymore. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOG! DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING?! TRIGGER THIS! TRIGGER THAT! YOUR VOICE IS A TRIGGER. NO ONE CARES SO JUST **SHUT UP!**" I fully expect another lecture at the end of my outburst, but it never comes. Kankri just stares for a minute, shocked. I can feel the shock radiating from his friends, too. It's like I've broken some unspoken rule. After a moment of staring, he wordlessly shuts his mouth and walks away. I find this even more shocking. "WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WORKED." Kankri is long gone before any of his friends snap out of it. Meenah is the first.

"Way to go Shouty! You silenced the infamous Kankri Vantas!" This wakes up Aranea.

"Meenah, that's not nice. Kankri is our friend. He shouldn't have said that."

"W) (at, w-E w-Er-E all t) (inking it." They continue to argue as I finally shake off my own shock. I quickly come to the conclusion that Aranea is right. I shouldn't have said that. After all, I know better than anybody, those lectures are nothing but a mask. A good mask, but a mask all the same. I know what it's like. Hiding emotion. Hiding pain. Trying to always look strong so no one can see how broken you really are. I do it, too. My mask is my anger, granted it's a really shitty mask, but it comforts me, at least a little. Cause if no one knows your weakness, they can't use it against you. In the moment it takes for me to realize my mistake, guilt sets in. I should really go apologize. I am preparing to follow my dancestrial counterpart when Kanaya shows up.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Karkat, it is time to get back to the meteor. We will be leaving the dream bubble soon."

"OH. OK. COMING KANAYA. LATER GUYS." The small group responds with a chorus of byes and one "Come back soon, S) (out," before I follow Kanaya. I figure I can apologize next time, we passed through dream bubbles every few days, after-all. But until we left the bubble, it slipped my mind that days for us could be sweeps for them. By the time we returned, it might be too little, too late. The guilt would eat at me until I returned.

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><p>Author's note: As promised, five reviews equals part two. I know this is short, but each chapter is one person's point of view. This will make it easier to figure out who's who. So same deal as last time, five reviews, next part. Seriously, anything. I just like to know people are reading it. Positive feed back is donated to my self esteem, constructive criticism to improvement, and flames to Kankri's funeral pyre. <strong>I MEAN MARSHMALLOWS! <strong>Yeah, roasting marshmallows. I did not just insinuate Kankri dies in this. You did not just read that. Anyway, FYI I do have the whole thing written, I just need to type it and receive my payment of those wonderful emails that say reviews. Lantry out

Carida^^


	3. Chapter 3

Kankri

At first, it was hard. I had to remind myself not to say anything. And the others never seemed to know I was there. There were a couple of instances in which I would be quietly listening to a group talk amongst themselves and someone would ask, "Where's Kankri." Before I could ever answer, someone, usually Meenah, would say, "Probably off lecturing some poor dead kid." At this point, the others would laugh and I would just get up and walk away. If no one cared to notice me or talk to me, why should I stick around. Without my lecturing, I was invisible, but I wasn't triggering anyone anymore. I stopped leaving my hive. Instead, I would curl up in my sweater pile and let my brain whisper. Let it tell me everything that was wrong with me. Time stopped having any meaning at all. I could have been there for seconds or sweeps. I didn't eat. I didn't drink. I didn't talk. I just let the whispers take over.

'_**Pathetic. Unwanted. Unneeded. Worthless. Insufferable. Invisible. Hated by those you care most for. Nothing. You are nothing. Your friends don't need you. They don't want to. You should just double die and rid the world of your existence.'**_ _But what if someone does want me someday? What if I could be useful?_ _**'For what. Lord English bait. I don't see Meenah or little Serket asking you to join them.' **__I could fight. I have my sickles. _To prove it, I pull them from my strife deck. _See? __**'I bet you can't even use them. I bet you don't know how.' **__Of course I do! __**'Prove it.'**_

Sometimes I wonder if I should have been really afraid of the things my thinkpan came up with. It knew I would never give in to self harm, so my mind presented it as a way to prove I could be worth something to my friends someday. _Just you watch. _I make a small scratch across my chest, unsure of when I took my sweater off. _**'You think a pathetic attempt like that could do anything against a giant green monster?'**_ I pushed my leggings down, making a slightly deeper cut on my stomach. _**'Is that all you've got? You really are pathetic. You'll never be worth anything.' **_Desperate now, I remove my leggings and leave a large gash in my thigh. It feels good. I've been numb for so long but this is different. This is feeling something. Even though I'm dead, I'm certain I've never felt more alive. _**'Good, again.'**_ With the next gash, I notice the briefs I am wearing. Light purple, his color. _Cronus was the only one who ever really listened. He was the one who would ask about me._ The next slice requires no prompting. _I really miss him. _Slice. _I wonder if he still cares. _Slice. _He was the only one who ever truly did. _I set my sickles aside, deciding that was enough for today. Anymore and the blood loss would start to get to me. I didn't want to double die. The though terrified me. So I pulled out the bandages I always kept captchlouged and patched myself up. I knew I would do this again, even without the voice who was strangely quiet right now. I shrugged it off, figuring it would come back when I was more emotionally susceptible. It never did.

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><p>So... feels anyone? Yeah, this is a sad chapter, but please, stick it out. It gets better for poor Kankri, eventually. It looks like people actually reads these things and someone responded to something I said in the authors note last chapter. To them, I say, if you really believe in something, even if everyone else thinks it's fake, if you really, truly believe, then that makes it a little less fake, right. So believe my readers. Believe. Until next time,<p>

Carida^^


	4. Chapter 4

AH

Elsewhere a black carapace grins cruelly. This guy has just completed getting his revenge on the fucker who got him killed and sent to this awful place in the furthest ring. While wandering, he came across this machine. It allowed him to view the troll on the screen and send messages to his brain with the keyboard. He has been using it to get his revenge. Now he gets to sit back and reap the fruits of his labor, or so he thought. In a loud bang an a flash of light, Lord English blows up another bubble, a bit more of the map is revealed, and Jack Noir double dies.

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><p>First, I realize this is like the shortest chapter ever, but I said I was splitting it by viewpoints. This is why I'm waving the 5 review fee and posting the next chapter immediately. So readers, rejoice, you need not wait for more. Secondly, the first person in the comments to tell my why this chapter is called AH, I will take their homestuck request and write a story just for them. Here is a hint, this chapter is third person instead of first. Until next time, which is in a few minutes,<p>

Carida^^


	5. Chapter 5

Kankri

_Is this insanity_

_My mind it speaks to me_

_My heart longs to be free_

_Of everything that's wrong with me_

I'm not sure where the lyrics come from, but I seemed to know them by heart. I didn't really sing, just thought the words and melody. I'm not sure my voice works anymore. I'm not sure how long I've been here. Days, weeks, months, sweeps, it doesn't matter. I was very lonely. It was an empty feeling. I didn't like feeling empty. So I continued to cut. Because, if only shortly, I felt something. The pain was better than the nothing. Any pain was. So I cut. And even though the voice from before never came back, I still whispered to myself. Every cruel taunt anyone, usually Meenah, (Gog, why does she hate me? Platonically of course.) that anyone ever threw at me. I let them all run through my thinkpan until my thoughts turned to something different, something… darker.

_Why am I still alive? _(Yes, I know I'm dead, but for the sake of my sanity, I call myself alive when contemplating double death. It's easier.) _No one needs me. No one wants me. No one cares about me. If they did, they would visit, if only to make sure I'm still alive. So why? I wish I could die. I want to die. I want to stop existing. I want to stop being a waste of space and breath and time and blood and mind and heart and life. I want to stop. Completely. I want everything to go away. I want eternal rest. I want peace. I want… my friends. But I can't have them because they aren't really mine, I'm theirs. I used to have purpose. They were my purpose. I thought they needed me like I needed to lecture. I thought I was helping them cope. But I was wrong. I wasn't helping them. I have no purpose. So why continue. Why not seal my silence with the only thing that could make it true, death. It would be so much easier, for everyone. So much better, too._

I could usually shake these thoughts away, they've plagued me whenever I felt useless to my friends, even in life and the game, when I was too weak to fight, too weak to go god tier like everyone else. But today, I was already so far down, I could even tell which way the surface was. I was drowning in these emotions now that my mask had been broken. It was dark and I was cold and I couldn't find the surface and I was just out of fight. It was time to let the waves drag me down, down, down where my muscles weren't weary of swimming. Down where my lungs didn't scream for air. Down where the waves couldn't hurt me anymore. Down where there was no pain. That sounded nice. No pain.

I pulled my sickles out of my strife deck. They were caked with dry blood. I pulled off the bandages, filthy with my life force. I smiled weakly at my handy work. Almost no spot below my neck was free of the marks. I no longer merely slashed aimlessly. Now, whenever I need it, I etch full words into my flesh. Reminders of my pain so I didn't need to actually cut so much. I could read my reminders and they were usually enough. Each word was one time I had needed more than the words could give me. Silence, Insufferable, Trigger, Nuisance, Unwanted, Unneeded, No Talking, Pest, Freak, Mutant, Worthless, Pathetic, Weak, Lonely. It occurs to me, many of these are words Meenah would call me. I would lecture her so I wouldn't feel hurt or angry. But I didn't lecture anymore. I had nothing to take my mind off the pain. It had been welcome lately, so I could feel something, but not anymore. I was ready to let the nothingness take me, ready to become one with it, almost. I know I could have slit my throat and it would have been over in seconds, but I wanted to drag it out. I wanted it to hurt. That way, I could feel something, just once more. I started at the oldest word, Silence, and continued to go through them to the newest. By the time I reached the 'y' in Lonely, I could feel the blood loss dragging me into unconsciousness. Since troll blood replenishes itself quickly and I didn't cut that deep, it would probably be hours before it actually killed me. But that was how I wanted it.

Before blacking out, I thought about Cronus. He always listened, even if he didn't care. I wondered if he missed me like I miss him. Probably not. He doesn't even know how totally flushed I am for him. Him and his accent and his nickname for me. The way he would casually sling his arm over my shoulder and almost hug me while we talked. How he treated me like I was really an equal and a valuable member of the time. How he couldn't care less about blood color and would flirt with anyone the moment they looked down. I know he never meant anything more than to make them forget whatever was troubling them. At first glance, he make look like a jerk, but he really was a good troll. The best. He was the lat thing on my mind before unconsciousness took me.

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><p>As promised, fifth chapter immediately posted. It has happened. Kankri has hit his lowest. There are only two possibilities here. Someone saves him, or he dies. So i reiterate, if you believe in something, even fake somethings, if you really believe, that makes them a little less fake right. Believe, readers, BELIEVE! If you don't, there is no hope for this poor, hurting troll. Yes, I am reinstating the five review fee. It's just so awesome to know how yo all are reacting to this. Until next time,<p>

Carida^^


	6. Chapter 6

Cronus

I was really worried about Kankri. No one had seen or heard from him in three months now. While Meenah tried to convince me he had probably found someone else to lecture like one of the new trolls, , something didn't feel right. Besides, no one I asked had seen him either. This wasn't right. Kankri needed someone to lecture to, it was how he coped. Everyone had it rough, but Kankri always seemed to get the short end of the stick. He was small, and a mutant, and his nubby horns didn't help to impress anyone. He cared so much for us all and went out of his way trying not to upset anyone, but no one ever appreciated his efforts. No one listened. But I did, cause Gog, I pitied the small little troll so much. No matter how hard things got for him, no matter how much pain someone put him through, he still cared. Meenah went out of her way to insult and degrade him every chance she got, but he never got angry. He never insulted her back. Sure he lectured, but its not like he knew how much it bugged the others, they never told him. Of course it didn't bug me. I pitied him. I would always listen when he needed to lecture because it always helped him get over the insults and the way others capitalized on his differences. Gog, I hated it when people did that. It's not like it's his fault his blood is red and his horns are nubs. I wished the others would just leave him alone.

But it seemed like that was unnecessary now cause he wasn't around for them to hurt him. Almost like he was.. avoiding…. But he wouldn't do that. Not unless he thought it was best for… everyone… else. The realization hit me and I hated myself for not seeing it sooner. Something made him believe we were better off without him. "Fuck."

"Is somefin wrong Cronus?"

"Maybe. Vwhen vwas the last time you spoke to Kankri?" She rolled her eyes.

"I told you,"

"Just tell me. Please."

"Fine. It was a few months ago. He was lecturing Shouty and Shouty exploded. Said somefin along the lines of "shut up, no one cares, your voice is a trigger. Kankri walked away, presumably to find someone else to lecture and I haven't seen him since." I didn't like that story. Calling Kankri a trigger was very… triggering. There's no telling how he'd react. What he'd…

"Fuck!" I almost yelled this.

"What?!" Meenah was confused beyond confusion. It made me mad. _Why couldn't they pay attention. Why couldn't they see, he needed to lecture. How could they not have figured out Karkat's words must have really hurt him. Next time I see him, I'm punching out that little fucker's teeth._ All this flashed through my thinkpan as I leapt to my feet and headed to Kankri's memories. I practically trampled Meenah in the process. I heard her, plus a few others, follow me, but I'm a troll on a mission to make sure his flush crush is okay. I easily outpace them all and reach Kankri's hive in almost no time.

I was honestly dreading opening that door. I was afraid of what kind of condition he would be in after all this time. I knocked on his door. No answer. I knocked again. Still nothing. I was really starting to worry. Kankri wasn't one to keep guests waiting. I calmed myself, hoping he wasn't there, but still knocked once more. Well, pounded really. I listened and just barely heard the soft moan. I was officially scared shitless. I threw the door open (Kankri never locked it) and called into the dark hive. "Kankri!" Another soft moan. I followed the noise upstairs. His bedroom door was cracked open. I could hear the others downstairs, having caught up with me. I opened the door slowly, calling out softly. "Kankri?" he wasn't in his coon and I believed I had the wrong room until another groan drew my attention to a pile of sweaters in a darkened corner of the room. I flicked the light on so I could see and, "FUCK!"

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><p>RUN CRONUS, RUN! Hehe, so, there's chapter six. Can someone tell me if I got Cronus's accent right? Pisces too. I hope I did. You know, I'm really wondering if I should have tagged some triggers for some of these chapters. Too late now, I guess. Oh well.<p>

Pretty soon we'll be hitting the final stretch, which is one Cronus POV, one Kankri POV, and an epilogue. Its almost over. THE END IS NEAR! Let's hope its not meteors. Hehe. Is it wrong to be laughing after torturing characters and feels like a Hussie? Heheh. Lantry out now. Until next time,

Carida^^


	7. Chapter 7

Kankri

I was brought back to near consciousness by a loud pounding on my door. After so long in the quiet, the noise pounded through my thinkpan and made my fuzzy head. I'm pretty sure I groaned. I think I did it again when someone called out my name, then one more time when they did it again. Even though the unexpected sound pounded my thinkpan and made my fuzzy head hurt, it also made me happy. Because I had a visitor. "FUCK!" It seems my visitor has been triggered. I struggle to imagine why before recalling my current situation. Oh. How I must look to my guest, dripping with mutant blood, unconscious in a pile of bloodied sweater, and wearing only purple underwear I have not removed or cleaned in Gog knows how long. Come to think of it, I probably don't smell good either. But my guest seems unfazed by this as I feel warm arms embrace me. That or the blood loss is making me hallucinate. Come to think of it, that makes more sense than the thought that I actually have a real guest. That someone cared enough to visit. But, uh well, I'll take it. I try to snuggle deeper into the warm embrace of my hallucinated guest. That is, until a low growl stops me. I sigh, accepting that even my own hallucinations didn't want me, and let the blood loss pull me back, further from consciousness then before.

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><p>We're almost there folks. This is all typed up and uploaded to Fanfic. Now it is a game of waiting for your reviews. Come on, guys, it takes like two seconds. There 12 chapters including the epilogue. So what I'm calling the final stretch is 10, 11, and 12. We're almost there. I still have not confirmed nor denied Kankri's death in this. After all, he could easily try again in the epilogue and succeed. Or maybe it's his funeral. I don't know. Wait, yes I do. I just fee like doing a little trolling is all. As an author, it is my sacred duty to play with your feels. It's my job and I happen to like it. Until next time,<p>

Carida^^


	8. Chapter 8

Cronus

I can't speak. After screaming, I have nothing left. I move towards my flush crush and pull him close, trying to comprehend all the blood. All the words. Many are insults that Meenah would fling at him on a daily basis. Speaking of the devil, I hear footstep climbing the stairs and ten shocked faces appear in the doorway. Kankri unconsciously leans into me as Meenah and Porrim are the first to step forward. I glare at Meenah. She's part of the reason he did this to himself. Porrim is okay, but no way am I letting that bitch near him. Not now. Not ever. She backs away at the low growl I don't even try to hide. Kankri stops nestling into me and tenses. He leans away and goes limp again. Porrim approaches slowly.

"Cronus," her words are soft and gentle. No wonder she grew into Alternia's first ever mother. "We need to get him cleaned and bandaged. If we don't soon, he could lose to much blood." I nodded and picked up the tiny troll. He was so much smaller than normal. I could see his fucking ribs for Gog's sake. I wondered when the last time he had eaten was. Then I decided I probably didn't want to know. I followed the sound of running water to Kankri's ablution block. The rest of the group parted to let me through and I may have taken a snap at Meenah. I could see the hurt look on her face, but really did not care. When I got to the bathroom, Porrim had the shower running. "You'll have to set him down Cronus. We need to get the blood off so we can see the wounds and if they'll need any stitches."

"I don't want to." On a normal occasion, I would not have been so obvious or blatant about my feelings. That being said, this was no ordinary occasion.

"You need to. I have to clean him off. It's the best way to help him." I couldn't argue with that. Hesitantly, I removed his underwear and set him in the trap, some strange part of my mind noted that they were my blood color. Porrim got to work and the amount of blood going down the drain did nothing to ease my ever growing worry that it was too late. I wondered how long he had been bleeding out before I got here. Once again, I decided I probably didn't want to know. Once he was clean, I was allowed to hold him as we wrapped him in towels to keep his body warm and try to clog some of the bleeding until Porrim could disinfect and bandage the wound. Thank Gog, none of them needed stitches. It took about two and a half hours to get him back to his respite block. Someone had taken his pile of sweaters and cleaned the blood from the floors. I also noted, his sickles had gone missing. "We can't put him in his recuoperacoon, it will mess up his bandages."

"There's a couch downstairs. We can let him rest there." I lead the way downstairs to a rather unpleasant surprise.

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><p>Wow guys, I think this is record time I've gotten the five reviews. Even the first chapter didn't pull them in this fast. I'm really impressed. So, here's chapter 8. Ya'll probably hate me for cutting it off when I did. Heck, I hate me for cutting it off here. I know what happens and I can't wait to post the next chapter, and the next, and the next, and the next. But I will. Probably because I'm tired as heck and constantly fighting Google chrome at the moment. Hehe, ever wonder if trolls had some form of Google? If they did, what would they call it, like Grubble? I don't know. Perhaps I shouldn't be online this late, but neither of us want to wait for an update do we? Well, I'm probably gonna go pass out now. Night everyone. Until next time,<p>

Carida^^


	9. Chapter 9

Kankri

The next time I came partially to, warm rain was falling. It kind of stung my open wounds. After some time, the rain went away and was replaced by those same warm arms. I think there may have also been…blankets? I don't know. I was glad the stinging was gone, until it came back ten times worse. It hit each wound individually, almost methodically, before each one was wrapped up tight. I would have flinched away or whimpered had I not lacked the energy to do so. As it were, I could only lie limply in warm arms that were almost comforting. With them there, the pain wasn't that bad. It was better than the mental abuse my own thinkpan dealt to me everyday. Wait, is something abuse if you deserve it? I don't think so, so scratch that, the mental _punishment _my thinkpan dealt out everyday. That mental pain was far worse than this physical pain. Especially since I've grown accustomed to physical pain, though it is a little different when you do it to yourself. By the time the stinging and wrapping stopped, it felt like I was wearing a second skin. Every cut had been covered and they kind of throbbed under whatever this 'second skin' was. There happened to be so many, almost everything from my waist down had been covered. And really, I didn't care much to figure out why. Even though I was sore and throbbing, for the first time since I stopped talking, I felt safe and warm and comforted. Oddly enough, I felt cared for. I liked the feeling. I wanted to stay and feel more. But alas, the results of my self destruction rose again. I was tired and aching and it wasn't long before exhaustion pulled me back under. And it had been such a stressful, uh, period of time, that I gladly accepted sleep as it overcame me.

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><p>Wow, this fic is only a few days old and its almost over. I wanted to say, the ya'lls response to this makes me believe I wall be writing more sadstuck. Three chapters left and one is an epilogue. On the note of Kankri's celibacy, the only thing mentioned in this is kissing. On the note of Google, I don't think Drive likes me, but it isn't hindering me from posting. School is. But, hey, here ya go. Enjoy! Until next time,<p>

Carida^^


	10. Chapter 10

Cronus

Two trolls occupied Kankri's couch. I was not happy to see either and would have probably attacked both had my arms not been occupied by such a precious bundle of bones and blood and bandages. As it were, I could only snarl out a question. "Vwhat are you doin here?" Meenah looked up at me, hurt in her eyes. Karkat was apparently surprised as he leapt almost a foot in the air and landed on the ground with a thud, letting out a sting of profanities so loud, Muelin would have flinched at the noise and Kankri at the vulgarity. Well, he would have, had he not been out cold after a suicide attempt brought on by his careless words. Standing quickly, he looked at me, then the precious bundle lying cold and pale in my arms. His eyes widened and he reached out as if to touch him.

"Kankri…" I growled, low and harsh, a warning. He held up his hands in the multiuniversal sign' for 'I surrender.' He looked sad and guilty, serves him right, but he also looked apologetic. "Cronus, please. I came to apologize to Kankri. I said something I shouldn't have last time I was here." The normally loud troll was quiet as he pleaded with me. It was so abnormal for him, I almost listened. But…

"You hurt him. You drove him over the edge and this happened."

"I didn't mean it. I swear, I didn't. I didn't think. I said the first thing I could think and I regretted it as soon as it sunk in. I was going to apologize then, but the meteor was leaving the bubble and I had to go. As soon as we got back, I was looking for him, and everyone I asked said something bad had happened but no one would tell me what. Then I got here and Meenah explained and I have never wanted anything more than to go back in time and fix this and beat up past Karkat because he's an idiot and I'm an idiot and…" Meenah stopped him.

"Shouty, calm down. It's not all your fault." The smaller Vantas (who was actually bigger at this point. Gog Kankri was too tiny, I could see his ribs while we were patching him up) was crying at this point. He looked at Meenah and nodded slightly, before returning his gaze to me.

"I'm so sorry Cronus. I'm so fucking sorry. Please, let me apologize. Let me try to make things right." He looked absolutely miserable. I knew he was telling the truth. I returned his gaze and spoke softly, letting him know I believed him.

"He's sleeping right novw, and I don't knovw vwhen he'll vwake up. You'll just havwe to vwait. The cancer nodded and I turn to Meenah. "Anything to add?"

"I don't know what to say. Sorry is clearly insufficient after everything I've done to him. I am sorry though. I shouldn't have treated him like I did. I should never have been mean or insulted him. I saw the words too, Cronus. I just… it didn't seem to bother him. He would just start another lecture like what I said had no effect on him. So I kept doing it."

"Did it never occur to you he lectured to keep it from hurting?"

"No, but that makes sense." She looked down. "I really am sorry Cronus. I'm a terrible friend, but I hope you can forgive me." She looks back up and she's on the verge of tears. Suddenly, my anger dissipates. It's not gone, but it has lessened to the point that I'll give her a chance. I'm really not one to hold a grudge for to long. If someone is sorry, truly sorry, I'm willing to give them a chance and move on. But…

"I'm not the vwone who needs to forgivwe you." She can hear my tone soften again, she knows I'm not going to hold anything against her. She nods, and Porrim speaks for the first time.

"I do not mean to interrupt, but we need that couch." Meenah is on he feet in an instant. Karkat is still standing so I settle Kankri in the now vacant couch. Porrim finds some blankets and while we get him situated, a buzzer sounds in a back room. Meenah disappears and comes back with an armful of laundry. I probably shouldn't be, after all, his clothes were missing from his room, but I am thoroughly shocked.

"_You _did his laundry?"

"Of course, I want to kelp." I laugh. Of all the times to be laughing, but I just can't stop. I don't know why this is so hilarious.

"Of all…the time…to be cracking _fish puns_…" I still can't stop. I'm doubled over, clutching my sides. Upon my semi-explanation, Porrim and Karkat join in with chuckles of their own. Meenah looks indignant, which only makes me laugh harder. I guess after all this stress, my thinkpan needed the relief, and eventually Meenah joins in. Someone beside me stirs.

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><p>This Chapter is much better. This chapter is happier. The next chapter, eh, not so much. But the next chapter is Kankri's POV so, what do you expect? Yes, Meenah is supposed to be the bad guy, but as an Aquarius, I feel I have the right to speak on his behalf and say he would be forgiving as long as they were apologetic. It's what I would do. Anyway, I'll be back later. Half day for mid-terms, YES! Then again, today is my hardest class, so I might pass out for a few hours before checking this. Until next time,<p>

Carida^^


	11. Chapter 11

Kankri

I am really quite confused. Enough time must have passed for me to die by now. Then why was I waking up? Why could I feel my heart beat? Why could I feel lungs breathe and my aching body move with the rise and fall of my chest? Why did I still exist? As I got closer to the surface, I began to hear voices. Suddenly, a loud burst of noise shocked me back into full consciousness. "Of all…the time…to be cracking _fish puns_…" Someone is laughing. A few others join in. I can't tell who it is, my eyes are still closed. And the noise is starting to hurt my ears, unaccustomed as they are to anything but silence. I try to shift away from the sound and instantly regret it. Everything _hurts._ I can't stop the groan of pain from escaping my lips. The laughter stops.

"Kankri?"

"Cro-nus?" My voice is quiet and cracked from disuse. We stare at each other uncomprehending until he tackles me. It hurts, and he scares me with the sudden contact, but he's hugging me and cuddling me and it feels nice. But still, I should be… "Why… why am I still…here?" He freezes in his cuddling and I fear I've triggered him. I tense up myself. Then he starts growling. It isn't menacing. In fact, it's soft and comforting and almost like a lullaby crossed with a purr. I have never felt safer or warmer than this moment, but someone interrupts.

"Um…Kankri?" I look up to find more guests. I don't register who, but I do register something else. In Cronus's arms, the only thing covering me is a blanket. I'm naked. Had I the blood, I'd be blushing like mad. I struggle to get out of Cronus's arms despite the overall ache in my body. He refuses to let me go.

"Vwhoa, Chief, vwhat's vwrong?"

"I'm indecent." I pull the blanket tighter and Cronus lets me stand.

"Chief, vwait," I move towards the stairs leading to my room. I make it exactly three steps before collapsing. Cronus catches me and sits me back on the couch. "chief, you're tiny and you've lost a lot of blood. Don't strain yourself. Besides, your clothes are right here." He motions to the pile of fabric on my coffee table. I reach out and grab the first thing my hand touches. Of course it would be my light purple underwear. Once again, I should be blushing. I glance at Cronus and he smiles at me. I grab my leggings and sweater and. "Here, I'll help."

"I can dress myself, Cronus."

"You can't go four steps before collapsing. You can not dress yourself. Admit it, you don't have the energy right now." Coming from anyone else, this would have sounded harsh. Coming from him, it was soft and so caring it almost hurt. I sigh, and nod. "Alright, everyone else, out." I don't see who they are, but they all walk into my kitchen and Cronus helps me to stand. With some effort and a pit of pain, we get the underwear on over the bandages I really hope either he or Porrim put on me. I go for my leggings, but he stops me. "I don't think you should vwear those Chief. They might mess up the bandages."

"But, I can't go around with guest only wearing underwear. It could be triggering to the others." He gives me this weird look that is almost sad and maybe a little frustrated.

"That doesn't matter right now. Those bandages matter more, so the others can all just suck it."

"Rude, Cronus, just rude. But also true. It doesn't matter Kankri. We all understand these are some extenuating circumstances." I am surprised by Porrim's sudden presence. "You should probably cover up though. You look cold." Only then do I notice, I am cold. Like, to the touch. Must be a side effect of massive blood loss. Another side effect, I begin to grow dizzy from standing. Cronus sits me down and wraps me in the blanket. Then he sits me in my lap as two more trolls come into my line of sight. I am very surprised to see Meenah and Karkat. They both look terrible, miserable. I want to know why. I want to help. I turn to Karkat first since he will have to leave sooner or later. "What's wrong, dancestor?"

"Kankri," He chokes on his words, "I'm so sorry." The look he gives me is absolutely pitiful, platonically of course. But I am confused. Everything is so confusing right now.

"For what?"

"For, for what I said, last time. I shouldn't have said it."

"Why? It's true." His eyes widen at my blunt statement and Cronus growls softly.

"IT IS **NOT** TRUE!" I shy away from his loud voice and anger. It seems I've triggered him again. I should really keep my mouth shut. Perhaps I could sew it shut like Kurloz. But that doesn't really stop him, it's just symbolic. I can still talk a little. I shouldn't talk at all. I shouldn't have a voice. I believe I read somewhere that if you pour boiling water down someone's throat, it damages their vocal chords. Maybe I could do that.

"Kankri!" It seems Cronus wants to say something. "Vwhat's wrong, Chief?" Wrong?

"Nothing's wron-…" He wipes my face and his hand comes back red and slightly wet. Huh. When did I start crying?

"Kankri, please, tell me vwhat's vwrong. I vwant to help you." He's so caring and at that moment I want nothing more than to tell him about the hell I'd been through lately, but…

"But I don't want to upset you. I don't want to upset anyone." I am barely speaking above a whisper. I avert my gaze.

"It was far more upsetting to find you bleeding to death than anything you could say." So gentle.

"Why did you save me?" This is so confusing.

"I didn't want you to die." His simple answer is quiet, meant only for my ears.

"Nobody needs me." I just can't look at him as I admit my uselessness.

"I need you." He tilts my head up and pulls his own down slowly, so I have plenty of time to pull away if I want to. I don't. There was no moment in my entire existence that I felt warmer, safer, or happier than when our lips finally met.

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><p>Noooo, please don't kil a lantry RexyKai! Please! Hehehe. Alright, this is it. All that is left is the epilogue. I hope everyone who has read this really enjoys it. I had tons of fun writing it and I plan to do more sadstuck. And Lacila, I plan to start your mute!John story after midterms. It's coming soon. Until next time,<p>

Carida^^


	12. Chapter 12

Epilogue

1 month later

Cronus

I snuck up behind my matesprit as he stepped out of the shower, towel hanging off his still slender hips. He was surprised as I wrapped my arms around his waist, just above the wet fabric. He tensed at the sudden contact but quickly melted into my embrace. "Hey Cronus." He's still so quiet and timid, it hurts. It reminds me of the story he told me the day I found him. It hurt that he had ever been in so much pain and hurt more that it was still there.

"Hey, Chief. Hovw ya doin?" After deliberating a moment, he settled on an answer.

"Better," he decided. This was always his answer. He was never great, or good, or even okay, but he was always better. And that was fine. After all, the human, Rose, had talked to him in one of her few moments of sobriety. She had said it would take sweeps to repair the psychological damage and he may never be the same. I began trailing kisses down his neck and he shivered at the sensual touch.

"That's good to hear." I turned him around and let the kisses trail down the scars on his chest and arms. I was very gentle, his body was still recovering. Though it had replenished all the blood within a couple of days, the wounds themselves took longer to heal. I knew they were still super sensitive. Crossing the word mutant etched into his side, I heard his stomach growl. I laughed. He blushed. "Hungry Chief?" He smiled down to where I was stooped and blushed deeper.

"A little." I stood up and brought him close. Now I could feel his stomach growl pressed against my abdomen. I laughed again.

"Hovw bout some soup. Or do you want to try something a bit more solid?" Three months without food had done a number on his digestive track. His stomach had trouble handling much of anything. For the first week, it could only take this weird nutrient water Porrim alchemized. Then he moved up to broths, then broths with crumbled bread or crushed crackers, and now he's up to actual soups with noodles or vegetables cooked soft, he still couldn't do meat. But his ribs were fading away under a layer of fat which would eventually become a layer of muscle. I loved watching him improve. "Maybe a sandwich or some rice or…" He looked up at me, smiling and hopeful.

"Eggs?"

"That's fine. Eggs are good." His smile broadened into a full blown grin. It was good to see him happy for a change.

"Okay, just let me get dressed." He disentangled himself from my arms and I let him go. I couldn't help the smile on my own face. Kankri was so much better. He wasn't great, or good, or even okay. But he was so, so much better. And that was wonderful to me.

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><p>Aaaannnd, that's it. It's over. No more five review for next chapter. No more staying up late so I can post the next chapter as soon as the reviews are in. No more teasing my readers by dropping hints Kankri's gonna die and then not kill him. That was funny. Anyone feel nostalgic yet? I do. Seriously, I loved posting this, I loved reading the reviews, I even made a new friend. Shout out to FanFicAddict823, who rights beautiful reviews, beautiful. I believe I will write many more homestuck stories. Most will probably be sadstuck, but I may try my hand at crack fics or romance. We'll see. So, I guess, that's all. Wow, it's only been a few days and it's already over. That's just, wow. Alright, I'm done here. I hope everyone who has and will see this really enjoys it, cause Gog knows I did. Until next time,<p>

Carida^^


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